The Haute Garbage Unofficial Met Gala Awards List
Happy first Monday of May to all that celebrate. Especially you, Zendaya.
The internet is alight with Met Gala reviews and after throwing together some predictions a few weeks ago, I was initially planning to do the same. Instead, I put every look through rigorous criteria to award the most important categories. See who won the night for best and worst dressed, who had the best vegetable-inspired accessory, and, of course, who was the Daddyest Daddy.
The Award for “Everyone May As Well Go Home Now”
It was truly Zendaya’s night, and everyone else was just spectators. She opened and closed the red carpet in not one but TWO flawless looks. First, she nestled up to some 3D hummingbirds in a custom jewel-toned Maison Margiela by John Galliano bias-cut ‘siren dress’. Then, Law Roach worked his magic, pulling a 1996 John Galliano for Givenchy gown with a dramatic train from the archives, styled with a Philip Treacy flower bouquet headpiece. I live for moments like this.
The Award for “Best Unconventional Material”
Tyla presented one of the strongest interpretations of the theme wearing a Balmain sand sculpture and carrying an hourglass. Though impractical (watch her get carried up the stairs), she gets tens across the board for putting a fresh spin on the tired naked dress and making me want to rewatch Dune.
The Award for “Best Tree Impersonation”
I really enjoyed all the natural, ethereal looks that cropped up this year and Lana Del Rey in Alexander McQueen by Seán McGirr covered in hawthorn branches made for the prettiest tree.
The Award for “I Hate This”
Sarah Jessica Parker in Richard Quinn. No notes, just I hate this.
The Award for “What Else Ya Got?”
The award for predictability goes to Emily Ratajkowski, who wore a sheer backless Atelier Versace from 2001. Don’t get me wrong, it was a beautiful dress and probably shocking when it was presented 20-plus years ago, but in 2024, a naked dress on Emrata is just expected. I love her and I get that if it aint broke don’t fix it, but it’s the Met. I want to be gooped, gagged and gobsmacked. Is that too much to ask?
The Award for “Snooze”
Blake Lively was a no-show, which means I didn’t get to be underwhelmed by another average gown from her. This year, Kaia Gerber won the award for being a pretty person in a basic dress, a supermodel trend over the past few Met Galas.
The Award for “Best Vegetable-Inspired Accessory"
Mike Faist wore a little Loewe radish brooch and now I want a little Loewe radish brooch.
The Award for “Take One Thing Off Before Leaving The House”
“Mum said it’s my turn with the John Galliano” was the unofficial theme of this year’s Met Gala. Out of all his Maison Margiela looks of the night, Kim Kardashian (who surprised me by not wearing Balenciaga but still chose a designer with a controversial past) was the most disappointing. The grey boiled cashmere cardigan looked great backed by the full moon in the Paris show, but under the Met’s harsh lighting, it just felt like Kim grabbed a pilly sweater from the wash as an afterthought.
The Award for “I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed”
I love People’s Princess Ayo Edebiri and she looked so gorgeous in the Loewe floral gown. However, as she’s such a street style icon known for blending masculine and feminine looks (that British Vogue spread is probably my dream wardrobe), I was kinda hoping for a suit.
The Award for “Daddyest Daddy”
Jeff Goldblum made his Met debut (why has he never been invited before!?) inspired by Count Axel, the main character of The Garden of Time. Points for doing his homework, points for Prada and points for the accessories.
The Award for “Biggest Dress”
Cardi B needed seven people to help carry her dress which swallowed the red carpet in a sea of black tulle. Wowza.
The Award for “Most Heartbreaking No-Show”
Apparently, Rihanna had the flu, and her not being at the Met feels like a bad omen cast over the rest of the year. She even died her hair pink and everything.
The Award for “I Want To Elope In That”
The last Met Gala look I saw that I wanted to get married in was Rooney Mara’s Givenchy look in 2013. Now, the award goes to (Joel, shut your eyes and keep scrolling) Greta Lee’s Loewe white dress with the 3D petals. Angelic!
The "Award for “Gimmickiest Gimmick”
With TikTok as the official sponsor of this year’s Met Gala, there was no doubt brands and celebs would be vying to create a viral moment. This year, Doja Cat and Vetements were all for the gimmick, with the singer entering in a towel and wet T-shirt. Not on theme but I’m kind of into it.
The Award for “Biggest Met Gala Fuck You”
I think it’s baffling that Julia Fox has been an It girl for ages and yet she’s never been invited to Met Gala or been on the cover of American Vogue. Could this be due to Anna Wintour’s previous allegiance with Ye? Or because Fox doesn’t want to fork out over $75,000 for a ticket (fair!). Either way, Fox’s reality series, OMG Fashun, aired on the same night so she was probably hosting a viewing party. Tasking designers with crafting avant-garde looks from unconventional materials, early reviews for the show hail it as a bold defiance against conformity, earning her the title of the ultimate fashion disruptor.
Hautties, sound off if you believe anyone was robbed and the award categories you’d like to see next year.
Obessed with this.