My 5 Met Gala 2024 Hot Takes Without Putting In Too Much Effort

I came out of the shower and wrote this sitting on my bed in a towel.

The Superbowl of fashion is approaching soon, and I'll admit, 2024's dress code didn't excite me initially. It's The Garden of Time in celebration of the museum's exhibition Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion, pieces so fragile no one can ever wear them again. However, after digging into The Garden of Time and discovering it's based on a dystopian short story by JG Ballard, I think I can totally get on board. 

The TL;DR version is a Count and Countess living in a villa plucking crystalline flowers, which slows time to keep a mob from approaching, who eventually storm the mansion and find the couple as statues in their garden. I'm keen to see how the Maison Margiela Artisanal Collection will come to life as the story embodies the concept of decay and the passage of time, making these surrealist pieces an ideal reference point. However, Dazed reported that guests would probably misinterpret the dress code and chuck on a simple floral gown. While I'd have to agree, at least it's better than last year's theme *shudders in karl lagerfeld*. 

This year is chaired by Zendaya and Bad Bunny who will no doubt nail the theme alongside J.Lo and, odd choice but okay, Chris Hemsworth. TikTok will also sponsor the event, so there will be no shortage of influencers, much to the dismay of everyone who has previously kicked off about their attendance. Alright, on to the good stuff...

1. Rihanna Will Be The Latest and Best Dressed

Last year, a cockroach arrived earlier than Rih Rih, but she's always worth the wait. In an interview with Vogue, she said not to expect nipples this year (boo!) and will be going for something more demure. Always ahead of her time, her Comme des Garçons look for the 2017 Met Gala would have been a perfect choice, so I'm sure there will be no shortage of 3D flowers and petals (Balmain, Christian Cowan, Alexander McQueen, Marni and Chloé all showed for Spring 2024). However, based on Rihanna's recent outfits, which are often shared with A$AP Rocky, I'm imagining something masculine, tailored and oversized, with impeccable makeup. The camel coat, black suit pants and gold belt with the sculptural hands holding flowers Naomi closed Balmain's menswear Fall 2024 show would be perfect. Regardless of what Rihanna wears, I will eat it up. I'm biased, idgaf.  

2. Zendaya Will Pull From the Archives

Though I've just said Rihanna will be the best dressed, there is always the Zendaya factor. She and stylist Law Roach never miss and have a flawless track record for method dressing in curated vintage pieces from the Mugler robot suit to the Roberto Cavalli spinal cord dress. So my first thought is something older and very, very cool. On the other hand, with JW Anderson creating the costumes for Challengers alongside custom pieces for Zendaya's press run (including the fun tennis ball shoes), Loewe may be an appealing choice. The anthurium dress already worn by Zendaya is bound to crop up somewhere. Even more fun would be Undercover's living terrarium dress, which is featured in the exhibition and may not be viable but hey, if Kim can wear Marilyn Monroe's dress? Less likely, but something I'm hoping is Law makes good on his joke to incorporate fetish and hardcore sex into Zendaya's outfits. Could the Met Gala be the debut of her fetish era? Perhaps a latex version of the Dolce & Gabanna Alta Moda Dress she wore on the cover of Vogue? 

3. Everyone Will Rave About Blake, But I'll Be Bored

Every year, Blake Lively wears something that the internet loses its mind over. Stunning and intricate, yes. Overhyped, also yes. Much like a Ryan Reynolds movie, her choices are always predictable. The last few have continuously featured some sort of gown with a corsetted bodice and a big-ass train. This year, I'm thinking she'll do some sort of gown with a corsetted bodice and a big-ass train. Plus florals. Moving right along.  

4. Kim Will Try To Make Balenciaga Relevant Again

Post-Ye divorce and the cancellation of Balenciaga, I think everyone was excited for Kim to do something different with her wardrobe. While there were briefly a few fun Chrome Hearts and Margiela things, recent posts show she’s now right back in Demna’s camp fronting the apology tour. Predicting she will rock up to this year's Met in Balenciaga Couture isn't a reach. I can only hope she's styled by North, fashion's harshest critic and the best-dressed Kardashian-Jenner-West. In fact, can North attend? What's the age limit for the Met Gala?

5. A Supermodel Will Wear A Basic-Ass Floral Dress

A trend I've noticed for several Mets is that the prettiest people often wear the most boring stuff. Don't believe? See Gigi Hadid’s underwhelming metallic look for Manus x Machina in 2016 (though she more than made up for with the Atelier Versace puffer moment in 2024). Gisele Bündchen’s very safe silver dress for 2017’s theme celebrating Rei Kawakubo. Karlie Kloss not even doing the bare minimum for Camp in 2019. The biggest Met sin is doing a Jared Leto and taking the theme too literally but ignoring it all together is just as bad. So this year, the biggest losers for me will be the pretty but pedestrian red carpet looks with those simply wearing florals and thinking they’re groundbreaking.

These are all my own very delirious, top-level opinions that I haven't put too much thought into. If you don't agree with me, click here.