The Haute Garbage Unofficial 2026 Met Gala Awards

This year's winners and losers as decided by whatever I feel like because it's my Substack.

I’ve disconnected a little from the fashion zeitgeist lately because it’s all felt like a lukewarm reheating of pop culture. Notably, The Devil Wears Prada sequel that no one asked for and all the unnecessarily beige (well, cerulean) merch that followed. Not to mention the uninspiring Meryl x Anna Vogue cover.

And now we get to the Met Gala, where the mediocrity continues. Thinkpieces labeling the whole affair as cringe set the tone before the first Monday of May even arrived. Meanwhile, the event’s controversy has been building for years, but 2026 brought it to a head, with Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez as co-chairs, leading to protests outside and bottles of piss hidden in the museum, crystallizing the image problem of fashion's night of nights.

This year’s exhibition, “Costume Art,” paired with the dress code “Fashion Is Art,” gave attendees free rein to experiment. Really, themes don’t get broader than that. In terms of looks, I had high hopes, particularly after reading this piece by Emilee Russell that predicted body morphing and 3D anatomy. Celebrities could have made like Zendaya in Schiaparelli (notably absent) and had some impressive (human) skin in the game.

Zendaya for Dune 2 premiere, an honorary Met Gala look

Each year, the line is toed between beautiful and safe, iconic and costume-y. As I don’t have an art degree (this is judged by my heart, soul and eyeballs), it’s been fascinating to read about the inspiration for each look, but I have to say, overall the 2026 Met Gala leaned towards lackluster, making my fun and snarky little award series all the harder to churn out.

Let’s give out some awards anyway.

Best Look

Rihanna, it’s always Rihanna. Yes, I’m biased, idgaf. She never lets me down and is proving to be in one of her strongest fashion eras to date. Hot on the heels of that incredible W Mag spread, she delivers this amazing sculptural Margiela look amid a sea of predictable breastplates and naked dressing. Don’t ever change, Rih Rih.

Best Look That Isn’t Rihanna

You know, to keep it fair. Emma Chamberlain in Mugler, wow wow wee wow, I wasn’t expecting to enjoy color this much. The brushstroke textures, the fringed sleeve, this is pure art. Big props to Emma for being such a chronically online figure yet carving out a unique style identity. Her looks just get better each year. Editor’s note - this is probably my fave look, but don’t tell Rihanna.

The Sleep Paralysis Demon Award

Jordan Roth in Robert Wun was the absolute stuff of nightmares. 90s Australian kids were treated to the unlocking of some core memories (or night terrors) by what seemed like an appearance from Lift Off’s EC at the Met.

For those who don’t get the reference, this is what we watched as kids. I actually have merch, remind me to show you the merch sometime.

From the Wackadoo Cafe to the Met Gala, EC is going places.

Best Breast Plate

For Yseult, Harris Reed crafted a bodice from glass beads that took over 400 hours to make. I love the dramatic shape of this whole look, and that the belly button is highlighted instead of the nipples. We need more trompe l’oeil belly buttons, please and thank you (see also Chase Infiniti in Thom Browne)

Blah-est Breast Plate

In a move that absolutely no one could have predicted, Kim, Kylie and Kendall all wore breastplates with visible nips. I’m shook. Kendall really pisses me off here because the look is so near perfection. Made from a T-shirt, though draped to look like marble, the lazy boob reveal completely takes you out of the illusion. It feels like she’s just chucked on a beige strapless Skims bra as an afterthought - imagine how much more impactful this would have been with a pastie or hell, even complete coverage?

And here’s Kim looking lobotomized in an Allen Jones breastplate, which was reportedly painted at an auto body shop. I am only including this info so I can say Kim Car-dashian. Tee hee.

The Best Misuse of The Substance

The internet is doing the rounds comparing Cardi B’s custom Marc Jacobs look to tumors or intestines, but she needs to be saluted for her bold silhouette choices. This is so viscerally uncomfortable to look at that it’s kind of beautiful. It was a shame that more celebrities didn’t opt for distorted proportions.

Best Naked Dress

Naked dressing is a Met Gala staple, and with this year's theme inviting celebs to treat the body as a canvas, it was practically guaranteed. The problem is, we’ve seen these dresses so many times that the shock factor has dwindled. Sabine Getty’s interpretation was appreciated, an Ashi Studio dress with a hand-painted bodice featuring her own jewelry. Sculptural hands were a recurring motif, cradling Lena Mahfouf’s boobs and holding up Lisa’s Robert Wun veil, expertly confirming a 2026 trend prediction offered by Mandy Lee @oldloserinbrooklyn .

I also want to give flowers to Doechii’s naked dressing in Marc Jacobs. She’s a walking (barefoot) work of art.

Worst Naked Dress

Gigi Hadid in Miu Miu. Yes, she looks beautiful, but I’d have loved for the flame appliqué from the neckline to cover her puss. Or at least have her in more exciting pants.

The Doing Too Much Award

Heidi Klum treating the Met Gala like one of her Halloween parties. Sigh.

Well, One Of Us Is Going To Have To Change (References) Award

I really felt for Claire Foy, who, like Lauren Sánchez (not pictured because fuck her), also alluded to Portrait of Madame X in her ensemble. However, as it’s one of the most famous portraits in The Met, something like this was bound to happen.

Best Boy Award

It’s refreshing when someone skips the typical tux for a playful look. Fencer Miles Chamley-Watson did just that in a custom Kid Super suit, helmet, and foil.

Bad Boy Award

Bad Bunny proved he’s hot at any age. However, with a gimmick like aging yourself, I’d have hoped he’d wear something more exciting, especially as we know the sartorial level Benito usually operates on.

Hautties, sound off if you believe anyone was robbed and the award categories you’d like to see next year.

Thank you, love you x